4.24.2015

a crucible of sorts

crucible

noun | cru • ci • ble 
: a difficult test or challenge
: a place or situation that forces people to change or make difficult decisions

Thanks, Merriam-Webster.

Anyway, we seem to have found ourselves in a nice little crucible of challenge and change. First there's the conundrum of packing while keeping the house perfectly clean for showings. Then there's just...pregnancy in general, and figuring out in what state and hospital we will give birth. Also, someone seems to have entered the terrible 2's a few months early. She's certainly been strong-willed and vocal about her preferences lately. Finally, there are all the everyday responsibilities that come with being an adult. 

School ends in 5 weeks. The countdown to our cross-country move is now 8 weeks and change. Baby's guess date is in exactly 12 weeks. The showings on our town home will, apparently, never end. Ever. And anyone who has ever tried to keep a home show-worthy with a toddler and a dog knows this is a Herculean task. (Maybe it's just because I'm pregnant or out of shape or both, but I feel like I've run a marathon after cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, swiffering, and wiping down mirrors). 

It's so absurd to complain, because we don't even own the townhouse, so we don't have to worry about selling it, or even setting up the showings on our own. We just have to keep the place clean and vacate the premises when necessary - that nomad life. So many friends are in the same situation right now, but with the added stress and pressure of actually selling the home and having multiple children. And after venting to my mom, I am reminded that she and my dad did this at least 6 times while in the process of having their 6 children. Perspective.

Most days I feel up to the task, even excited about everything that's happening. Then there are days where the exhaustion knocks me flat on my back, and let's just blame the pregnancy hormones for all the emotions that come bubbling to the surface. Just keeping it real, folks. 

I'm getting better at prioritizing, and deciding what truly needs to get done each day, what can wait, and what can get done in a "good-enough-for-now" manner. (I'm looking at you, hiding extra junk in the garage when there's a showing). 

I'm also learning that most worthwhile changes come after a period of intense work and challenge. 

And most importantly, I'm learning that I am human. I can only do and handle so much. But God  promises to be my refuge in times of stress. When I am weak, then his strength is shown. When I feel overwhelmed, it is then that he shows me what he can do. 

Our current situation is temporarily stressful, and will lead to so much joy. It is truly not trouble or hardship. Many face far more difficult and dire situations on a daily basis. Many battle illness, tragedy, and persecution. 

Despite knowing all of that intellectually, I still feel overwhelmed some days. So I am reading and rereading this section of scripture:

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." {2 Corinthians 12:9-10}

I'm thankful for God's mercy each day. I'm grateful for those around me who have shown me grace as I fumble through our "crucible of change." I'm thankful for all that I'm going through, and all that lies ahead. 

In conclusion:
It's all good. The end. 

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